Right now, 2 houses over, some punk teenagers are reveling in their youth by soaking it in wine coolers and their parents’ brandy. They’re also soaking in a hot tub. Like most things teenagers do, they’re doing it as loudly and boldly as possible.
The problem with teenagers is that they think they’re awesome, and they’re not. A lot of older people fall for this, too. We all celebrate the youth, but it’s only when you grow up that you realize it’s the innocence and the raw ambition that’s celebrated, not the actions themselves. Teenagers don’t get this. They think what they do is awesome. But it isn’t. They do stupid things and are not awesome.
The teenagers 2 houses over are proclaiming their self-viewed awesomeness loudly, with specific details of their actions. An accusation that “Tanya’s Drunk!” is followed by a drunk, vocal-fried voice that could only be Tanya, confirming earlier suspicions that, “(she) LOVE(s) DRINKING!” This causes an eruption of cheers throughout the whole gang, no more than 6 in number, but ready to take on the world. Us versus them, man. Yes, the criminals who call attention to their crimes never get caught, just like in the movies. Scream to the heavens, kids! Nobody can hear you in a backyard with 5 adjoining lots!
Teenagers think that they are the only ones with open eyes and the rest of us are dead drones, because teenagers are stupid and don’t know shit about shit. A Teenager will drive fast and blow Stop signs while blasting music, because ‘somebody has to fight the system, man.” They see us all as slaves, while they choose to live free. They are all stars, shining bright like diamonds, and they love Bieber. They get it, man.
So these oily, greasy, big nosed, awkward, smelly teenagers who think they rule the world and see through society’s lie because they read a little Kafka in Language Arts class are being REALLY noisy, and they only thing stopping me from becoming Mr. Wilson and yelling at them is that kids today are more likely to be packing heat than in my day, especially in Van Nuys. Hopefully a curfew will end it, because I can’t wait for them to hit their late 20’s and realize there are other people in the world, and most of them are bill collectors.
You damn kids keep it down. It’s 11 o’clock on a Saturday, and we’re trying to sleep over here.