December 2010
44 posts
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Aspen Extreme and the Festivus Miracle
Merry New Year, Internet! Well, almost. It sure was a joyous holiday season for the Blog family. While this year may have dragged at points, it’s certainly closing with a bang. I was back in Chicago drinking and freezing with the family for most of it, sharing tales about gypsies from foreign lands and cousins that are pregnant (unrelated statements). I had a great time.
It was a season...
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Wingin' it back to the Coast.
We’re off to the Airport and then back to Los Angeles, armed with fancy new iPads, suitcases, and books.
The Redhead always travels with style. I usually travel with a 3 alarm hangover.
Today is no different. My Night at Cork & Kerry’s on the South Side followed by a dinner of sausage and peppers with a gallon of red wine just ain’t sitting right in my belly.
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Damnit, I'm a hipster now.
Well, Internet, there’s no turning back. I have fought it for years, purposely taking a left turn whenever faced with anything resembling the trendy, douchey concretism of the average hipster blogger. Now I have an iPad. I can no longer fight it.
I am a part of the problem. Standing at the sidelines and judging doesn’t work when you’re put in the game. I’ve got 2 Macs,...
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Merry Christmas, everybody!
Enjoy Stan Freberg.
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Did I wander the halls? Yes, I wandered the halls.
A long time ago, Internet, shortly after I graduated from high school, but earlier than the times I’ve been back for various Alumni shows, I was served a certified letter by the school stating that if I ever set foot on their property again, I would be arrested for trespassing. That is 100% true and a story I’ll tell someday, possibly while under subpoena.
In spite of all of that, I...
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Don’t forget: tomorrow I’ll be on the...
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"The little lights aren't twinkling."
The Redhead and I are headed home to Chicago tomorrow. We’re going to see my relatives this time, so there will be more drinking than with the other side.
Expecting the same level of comments, though.
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Don't blame this on McFeely
<THE DOORBELL CHIMES>
Morning, Neighbor! What can I do for you on this rainy day? Oh, you got some of our mail by mistake?
Thank you so much for returning our mail which was mistakenly put in your mailbox. As you know, the mail service in our building is spotty at best, so we appreciate it when people do the right thing. Um, what’s this, then? It looks like some of it has been...
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Streaks on the china never mattered before.
Scrub scrub here, scrub scrub there, Internet. With all the rain we’ve been getting, it’s essentially a free patio wash, so I’ve been swabbing the deck intermittently while the rain falls. This has lead to more scrubbing, both outdoors and in. I shall live as a cleaning king…
Due to the recent menu being served at my home, Goldenblog, I have had to scrub the same...
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Do as we SAY, not as we DO.
The American Psychological Association has recently released a study that says Network Television highly sexualizes teenage girls.
They say that “when underage female characters appear on screen: more sexual content is depicted; the teen girls show next to no negative response to being sexualized; and more sexual incidents occur outside of any form of a committed relationship.”
That’s...
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Only "Official" Survival Kits Guarantee Survival
Have you heard the news, Internet? The World is ending. I’m as shocked as you. According to Glenn Beck, who is only here to help us and NOT out for personal financial gain, we should all give Food Insurance as the only gift this season for our loved ones. Totally unrelated: they’re also one of his sponsors.
(Why was I watching Glenn Beck? It’s like the Godfather says,...
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Your 180 Watt Community Flame Thrower!
I have an announcement, Internet. Next Wednesday, December 22nd, I will be hosting a 2 hour Radio Show on WLTL LaGrange, my alma mater’s radio station. Oh, boy.
I will be broadcasting from 4-6 PM Central Time (GMT -5). When the webpage IS working, you can listen to the station LIve and World Wide on the interwebs, or if you’re in the West Suburban Chicago area, at 88.1 FM. Everyone...
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Talking Smack in the White House is a good way to...
The Bulls beat the Lakers a few nights ago, and today Kobe Bryant visited the White House. Let’s listen in, shall we?
Barry: You know, the Bulls beat you guys the other night, 88-84.
Kobe: Yes they did. Mr. President.
Barry: I think Derrick Rose may have your number.
Kobe: If he calls that number, I’ll be sure to pick up after the fifth ring.
I’m assuming what followed...
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'Tis the Season...
Hey hey, Internet. I just finished a minor barrage of outward phone calls to people trying to subtly determine their Christmas gift wishes. The one thing I’ve realized is that most people, given the spirit of the season, are frustratingly vague.
Okay, we’re all good people. Deep down, we wish for happiness unto all and peace for the Planet. We also now that while many may be in need...
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"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible...
Yesterday was Frank Sinatra’s Birthday. I drank all day in celebration.
Quite the headache today, but as Joe E. Louis said:
“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”
Good Lord. It’s gonna get worse?
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WatchIf I told you I know these people, does it make it a little less frightening that the Redhead REALLY laughed at this?
I don’t know these people.
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"I wouldn't take this check from you if my...
The newly elected Governors of Ohio and Wisconsin, being idiots, have refused the Federal Stimulus money for high speed trains, because they’re the kinds of people who don’t like progress and “Big Government.” They also don’t like efficient transit. Enter Babs Boxer and the State of California! We’re getting their money!
(Ohio and Wisconsin have elected...
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Get yourself another PR Firm, Miley.
So teenybopper Miley Cyrus was filmed recently smoking… something… out of a bong. She smiles at the camera and takes a toke that would make George Clinton proud. (Trust me on that one. I know that look on his face.)
Here’s the thing: somebody in her camp decided that it would be bad if the world believed Miley was smoking marijuana. So they did a quick Google search, and came...
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The sweet and the sour of Life's little left turns
Well, I’m happy. I’m also sad. Like a Zen Master, I have been living in a state of duality for the past few days. The days before those were filled with what seemed like an endless stream of bad news.
(The water and waves are not different, yet it is the waves that move while the water stays put. Be water and ride the waves, but do not let them carry you away.)
I had a ticket that...
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RROD: My Digital Coma
There I was. 2 outs gone in the 6th inning of a 1-0 lead. The Twins had a runner on 2nd, a lucky bastard who made it on base due to the ineptitude of the computer created 1st baseman. My Cutter and fastball were working well with the wide strike zone the ump was calling. I had 6 K’s already. Joe Mauer was facing a 1-2 count. I threw a Slider. Joe began to swing—
My XBox has...
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Getting the Band Back Together
Paul Konerko and the Chicago White Sox have reached a deal. Paulie will stay with the team for another three years, meaning that this picture I took on October 3rd, 2010 at US Cellular field is NOT of Paulie’s last at bat in a White Sox uniform.
We had amazing seats for the final game of the 2010 season. Of course, those weren’t actually the seats we purchased. Those were up in the...
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WatchAnd now my links to this can make sense again.
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The Page Crash That Shook the World
Apparently, this will be a story we’ll tell our grandkids about. The Great “Tumblr Crash of December 2010.” Dateline Planet Earth: rocked to its core without a basic blogging tool designed for people who can’t understand HTML.
According to Twitter, the lack of Tumblr in the last 48 hours has caused mass hysteria and promises of violent and non-consensual sex acts. I just went outside instead....
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No, I shall NOT, "Let It Be" as you suggest.
I can’t stop thinking about this video. I have so many thoughts… the fact that it opens with Roger Moore of all people raises the bar in the, “let’s just see who walks by and throw them in front of the camera” style of this, whatever the hell this is.
Obviously all of these people were taped at different times. But why them? Were they the only ones that answered the...
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Special Announcement from the Corporate Offices
Hey everybody,
Tucker Blogs here. I just wanted to take a moment out of my otherwise busy day ranting about grocery stores and traffic to talk about a new webpage we’ve added to the Blog family. It’s called The Ship’s Blog. It’s another Tumblr, so sorry, Blogspotters. It’s mainly about our sailing excursions on the Pacific. Not much there yet, and it may not be...
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Adam Dunn!
White Sox have signed Adam Dunn.
Put it on the board. Yes.
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Strange Things are afoot at the Notary Public
The Redhead and I are in need of renewed passports for our Hunting trip to the Belgian Congo in January, and every step of the way has been fraught with confusion, as if we were living in an entire land of confusion.
(The Notary Public is the one on the in the tux.)
Yesterday, our adventure took us to the local Public Notary for a Certified Copy of our Marriage license. It’s housed...
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It's December 1st! Let's never talk about...
Okay, one more time. Probably one more after this, too, since I have a star-studded moustachioed gala to attend on Friday night. All month, I’ve wondered, is it moustache or mustache? Anyway, here I am this morning/mourning:
(Tucker Blogs is tired of his moustache. See also: tired in general.)
While I can’t wait to shave, I’m glad I participated. Congrats to THE Joe Moran for...