January 2011
29 posts
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I'm a sick man. Sick and twisted.
Yo.
After catering to the stars and the non-stars for 2 consecutive nights, I have a very strong cold. Couple that with the fact that while I was catering, the only thing available to me as facial tissue were paper towels. I’ve got a torn up nosey, Internet.
(Canadians know what I’m taking about.)
I’d like to apologize to any of the celebs or non-celebs I may have infected...
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"Hi, is Craig there? Put Craig on the phone right...
I’m getting a little peeved at this Craig character and his supposed “list,” Internet. My listings keep getting flagged for completely inaccurate and strange reasons. Once it was for “offensive language,” but most of the time it’s because someone thinks I’m a commercial business.
(Flagged.)
You see, a while back The Redhead and I produced a Play. It...
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That frozen concoction that helps me hang on......
Jimmy Buffett took a tumble Tuesday (alliteration!) at the conclusion of a concert in Sydney. Even though we here at Tucker Blogs, Inc. haven’t attended a Buffett concert since the 20th Century, we wish him a speedy recovery.
(He’s recovering well.)
We at Tucker Blogs, Inc. would also like to announce that we a FIRM followers of The Church of Buffett, Orthodox. (That’s right....
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Tucker Blogs: Available Now at Discount Prices
I’m casting the net a little far this time, Internet. In order to keep the “cool” things that I have developing alive, I’m going to have to take some scrub jobs. The standard office gig that I so know and love will not fit the bill this time around. I need flexibility. I need to be versatile and immediately available if the “cool” things come calling. I need to...
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On the other hand, I may have Malaria.
I have little red itchy bastard bumps all over my arms, Internet.
Last Tuesday, while on a “secret” beach in Puerto Vallarta, so secret only us 42 paying tourists were told about it that afternoon from 1 to 3, I contracted what could be bites from “sand flies,” a.k.a. “No-See-Ums,” a.k.a. “I’ve-Never-Heard-Of-Thums.” I now realize this was...
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Ruminations on Maritime Law
Well, I’m back. I survived 8 days at sea and in Mexico with my In-Laws and 2 nieces. While it was widely available, being with children and your wife’s parents tends to limit your booze consumption. Nevertheless, my wacky bag of “carry-ons” and the occasional “bathroom break” allowed me enough time to sneak a beer or win a few hundy in the Ship Casino....
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Did Astrology just kill their golden goose?
Have you heard the news, Internet? The Zodiac has been given the gritty reboot treatment! Plus, we have some sort of scary new Zodiac sign, Ophiuchus the 13th Zodiac! Unfortunately, that’s not a new 3D Thriller starring Kurt Russell and Charlene Tilton.
Except, I’ve been thinking about this. The explanation is that stars have changed their alignment. It makes sense, since the moon...
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Cruise Wear and Tear
Not long now, Internet. Tomorrow I begin the voyage down to San Diego (discovered by the Germans in 1904) and then on to Old Mexico. Sure, there’s been some killings and beheadings there lately, but there’s shuffleboard on the boat, so it kinda balances out.
Drinks may be a bit steep in price, but I’ve packed my bag like I’m freakin’ Hunter S. Thompson, so I should...
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The Film Preservation Society should be protecting...
Listen, Internet. I know you like movies as much as I do. You get VERY excited about new projects, often too early, and that can sometimes sour the experience for us. I’m here to tell you to calm down on this one. Internet, DON’T get excited about Ghostbusters 3.
Ghostbusters 3 is a bad idea, and it’s not going to go well because it’s completely unnecessary. Easy,...
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The Yellow Journalism of Sensationalism
I’ve been silent on this issue for a few days, because it’s been difficult to process. I’m very uncomfortable with the subject matter in the media lately. The debate about whether or not television can go too far in its language and imagery to push a concept or sell an idea has been painstakingly discussed this week. Well, it does, and I can no longer remain silent. I mean, have...
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It tastes like burning.
The Redhead is burning up, Internet. She’s rocking a fever. She’s got the bleeps, the sweeps and the creeps. I must now stay sequestered in the living room.
Sequestered.
Funny then, that while she is “burning up,” I have burned my tongue twice on coffee and then soup. The shower was extra wacky today, and kept switching to scalding hot water with little to no warning....
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That's Where You Belong (In My Arms, Baby......
The Redhead and I are locked in combat right now, Internet. Not with each other, mind you, but with our own sense of sentimentality. We’ve discovered a large pile of junk things that have made us pull up the brakes on our “throw it away!” ultimatum for the afternoon.
We found a large stack of stuff from our wedding. (Quick tip for those getting married: order LESS of...
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Happy Birthday, King!
Where ever you may be…
Also, Happy Birthday to my niece, Haley.
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Tumblr, I shan't forsake thee
There’s a bit of an Exodus happening here, Internet. Like the Golden Toad and the West African Black Rhino, people I know on Tumblr are becoming an endangered species.
A few have already left and a few others are planning it, if murmurs are to be believed. Well, not this cowboy. I’m in up to my wrist, running multiple blogs and delighting dozens within the scientific community with...
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How can I be so busy with nothing to do?
Man, oh man. For a guy with little that technically has to be done, there seems to be plenty on my plate. I’m out of here in a week, blowing this popsicle stand and crossing the border. I must prepare. Yes, the Redhead and I are taking a sea cruise on a Steamer to Old Mexico.
(This picture has nothing to do with anything, but is the top result for a Google image search of “Old Timey...
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Team Otis Vs. Team Ernest T. Bass
Shocking news, Internet. Last night while relaxing at the Normandie Lounge with Mike Blogoff and Buck Naked, I discovered that Mike has little to no experience with The Andy Griffith Show. This is inexcusable. Sure, he’s like 20 years old, but it’s not like I was around when Mayberry was the apple of America’s eye. It’s a sad day when you discover that Nick at Nite...
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But Seriously...
I need to get out of the house.
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Wait... It's a SPACEHIP?
Last night I stayed up a little past bedtime and watched The Fountain for the first time. I liked it and thought it was pretty cool, until I read about it. I knew next to nothing about it, so here’s what I thought was going on (fake spoilers ahead, since I was wrong):
Quick homework assignment first. Read or quickly scan this article. It’s a very strong influence on how I view...
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What's wrong with your face?
If you haven’t seen any of these, cancel the rest of your afternoon.
Plinkett has released his Star Wars: Episode III review. It’s like an hour long, so put some coffee on and prepare to chuckle at this beautiful dissection of everything wrong with the Star Wars Prequels.
There’s also a healthy serving of rape jokes and Milwaukee women locked up in basements, so just stick...
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Get up! It's 6:83 AM!
The Redhead’s alarm clock has decided that it has grown tired of our conventional and dull pattern of one minute after another, second after second. It’s become self aware. It is now it’s own master, and deciding the time on its own.
Her digital clock read 9:41/9:4d (with the bottom part of the lower case “d” partially flickering) this morning. Unless the time zone...