Well, it almost happened… again. I almost experienced a living Rerun. You may recall over 4th of July I had a bit of a SNAFU with the Coronado. After months of excitement and anticipation regarding my other boat (technically, the sailboat is my “other” boat, since the Coronado has been mine since I was 16, and before then my cousin’s), it broke minutes into my first voyage of the summer. Now we’re back for Labor Day, and the same thing happened. Brother Blogs and I headed out onto the lake for the first voyage. After 20 minutes (much longer than last time) a noticeable “pop” happened, and we were dead in the water. The engine would turn over, but not fire. Typical, I thought.

Well, disaster would soon be averted thanks to my new Hero, a mustachioed gent named Troy.

I love Wisconsin. I really do, but there are some things you have to accept along with the Miller Genuine Draft and cheese curds. Like a fairly… relaxed work ethic. It’s no secret in the Lake Geneva area that when Deer Hunting Season begins, you won’t be able to find a mechanic, plumber, carpenter, and any other serviceman for 2 weeks. They just disappear, and you have to fend for yourself. Even when they’re around, it’s like a typical scene from Green Acres. Trying to get a straight answer or an estimated time table leaves them with an expression similar to a Spanish speaker trying to understand an English newscast. They’re trying, but they just can’t get there.

It’s not Deer Season now, but we were expecting a scenario that matches all of this anyway. When something needs to be repaired on a boat, double the price. A spark plug for your car? 2 bucks. The exact same spark plug bought for a boat? 4 bucks. And it will take twice as long to acquire that spark plug. So when a mysterious “pop” happened in the Coronado, we were expecting it to be fixed just in time for us to leave town. And then we met Troy.

Troy had a killer ‘stache, but also looked like he hadn’t shaved in a month, adding an extra level of grizzlyness to his appearance. He wore a Wisconsin Badgers sweatshirt that looked like he either stole it from his daughter or had bought it when he was 12 years old and a woman. It was a ladies’ cut. He spoke with a slight drawl and was quick to chuckle. He blew his nose into the open air and wiped his hands on his heavily paint and grease stained jeans. He likes to say, “killer.”

Anyway, we got the call that he was going to the boat to see what the issue was. By the time I completed the 3 minute walk to the boathouse, he was already heading back up on a mission to True Value Hardware in Walworth. By the time I finished my 1st beer he returned with a little brown paper bag. By the time I finished my 2nd beer, he had installed new “points” in the distributor. Look, Internet: I can wax, buff, scrub, stain, drill and hammer, but I am NOT an engine man. They’re as confusing to me as a plastic banana is to a monkey.

Troy turned the key, and the familiar and beautiful rumble of the Chrysler 330 HP V-8 engine filled the air. Total time: 30 minutes. An actual boat marine, like the one Troy works at during the day, would have taken 2 days minimum, particularly on a Holiday Weekend. He did it in a flash while tied to the pier. Even the boat yards would have simply told us to bring the boat to them, seemingly forgetting the fact that it doesn’t run.

We looked at Troy and asked, “what do we owe you, oh great Master?” Troy furled his brow and thought for a moment. “Hmm. The part was 10 bucks, and then for the labor…. I don’t know…. maybe…. 20 more?”

30 bucks. We gave him 50. No where in the history of aquatic vehicles has a boat gone from not working to working in a parts and labor total of 30 dollars. This guy is awesome. I offered him a beer, which he gladly accepted. We then proceeded to laugh about the rival mechanic’s business practices and baseball. Shortly after that, Troy announced he had to go, possibly back to heaven or another galaxy where he was King.

Thanks, man. You saved the weekend. I hear talk that you like to hang out at Chuck’s Tavern. Tonight I will find you, and many more beers will be enjoyed. Drink fully the fruits of your labor, you Titan of men.