Someone, and I’m not naming any names (because I don’t actually know who did it), gave us something they thought was a gift. They probably thought that it would be the perfect little treat for a pregnant woman and her husband. Instead, they have cursed us with guilt, shame, and tummy aches. The 10 pound box of See’s Candies was a horrible, horrible present.

(Imagine this, but about 20 times bigger.)

I know what you’re thinking: that’s an awesome gift. Well, it isn’t. We’re not talking an extra large box of assorted treats. We’re talking a brown shipping box FULL of dark chocolate buttercreams, totaling approximately 750 pieces. This is not a snack, or a treat. This is a straight up challenge.

When you have such a massive amount, no dent you make feels overindulgent or even gluttonous. Eating them like popcorn seems to be what the large quantity suggests. Both the Redhead and I have been almost skipping meals, sitting with the box in between us, peeling the wrappers and dropping them at our feet like peanut shells. For her being pregnant, these are like crack. For me, they may be a temporary solution to my unplanned weight drop (I got a lot on my mind right now, Internet) but a bad way to make pants fit again. I’m sure my dentist would have a thing or two to say about it as well.

So thank you, mystery person, for smuggling a case of giveways from a promotional event into our hands, but also curse you for smuggling a case of giveways from a promotional event into our hands. Next time, try to get us a case of apples.