Throughout our journeys during pregnancy, we have received all sorts of tidbits, advice and words of encouragement. Some of it has great value. Some of the rest, not so much.

For instance, a few people have recommended to us that we videotape the entire labor and delivery. This will not be happening. We will not bring in a cameraperson, nor will I spend the entire time with a Flip in my hand. After a rather short discussion, since we both arrived at the same conclusion quickly, we decided there will never, ever be a moment in the future where we’ll want to sit down and rewatch the sloppy, slippery birth (and afterbirth) of our child.

We don’t even want the mirror that’s offered. The Redhead has long stated that if possible, she would prefer to take a pill or be knocked out in some way, then gently woken up and handed a baby. I concur. It’s not that we don’t want to experience the miracle of birth, but once per kid is enough. We won’t watch it in HD surround sound with a bowl of popcorn. We’re also not interested in water births, Sade music or any other hippie crap. Sure, people have been giving birth in caves for thousands of years, but modern medicine is pretty advanced. We won’t deny it its ability to keep everybody alive.

And if the Redhead gets to take some drugs, I think I should be entitled to some, too.