We’ve had a lot of visitors swing by over the past few days, and it has been wonderful. Really, truly, it has. (I find it tough to convey sincerity since I feel everything on here has a sarcastic tone, but I really was being sincere. That is now over.) However, and this is aimed at nobody specific, there are a few things I would like to point out.

For starters, please stop referring to my daughter as your baby, especially if I don’t actually know you and you work with my wife. That’s not a fun text to see on her phone.

Also, don’t be persistent. We got your message, but between our Fireman/Ghostbuster like schedule of sleeping and babywatching shifts every 4 hours, it may take us a while to get back to you. Sometimes it may be a 3 AM email. Actually, it will more than likely be that. For example, do not repeatedly send messages getting more upset, demanding to see this baby you keep referring to as your own.

(“When can I see my baby?? I can be there in 5.”)

In addition, potential visitors should be advised that a visit can be cancelled at any time. That means you could have been parking when we tell you or you may have already been here 20 minutes. Sorry. Sometimes mom or baby (or daddy) just needs you out. It’s not personal, it’s just the way it’s going to be for a little while. Sometimes it may take a few days for us to reschedule, and again, it’s not personal. We just want to do what’s best for our child, and sometimes that means cutting down on stimulation and extra germ breathers. For example, do not start threatening to kidnap the baby if you do not get to see the baby you keep claiming is yours, then follow that up with announcements that you’re blocks away.

Food is appreciated greatly. Thank you to all who have been bringing us little snacks or casseroles or stuff to eat. Even bigger thanks to those who have brought me a 6 pack at the same time. It’s nice to not have to think about planning and preparing a meal. That being said, please have something in mind if you’re going to bring us food. We have mushy brains right now and are in no condition to plan a spread, hence the reason you offered food in the first place. There’s no need to hold off on your visit because I haven’t gotten back to you with a soup option. We’ll eat McDonald’s. We don’t care. Let’s not make a big deal out of it. For example, when you circle our block demanding to see the baby you claim is yours, accusing us of keeping you away, it helps to mention you have ribs with you.

You know, ribs sound pretty awesome. I may have to let this person come visit, after a little “talk” with the Redhead about this son of a bitch who keeps writing, “PLEASE let me see my baby!” This usurper may be cruising for a bruising, but at least they have some sweet, sweet Kansas City BBQ.

(BBQ forgives all.)

Wait, this person who keeps texting is a chick? It’s that chef friend of yours?! I thought… Nevermind. Well, bust my buttons… Come on in!

Please ignore all of the above. Everyone is welcome to visit!