I assume we all got the email today. Just figured I’d pass along these unpublished changes to Google’s policies: 

1. Google will no longer save camera footage of users typing emails.
2. Google will remove users’ information from company toilet paper.
3. Residents of Xxyzz, California will be returned their American citizenship status.
4. Google Search will no longer deduct 5 cents from the Social Security account of user conducting search.
5. Google will now require passwords to include at least one umlaut or circumflex per 3 characters.
6. Google Water will no longer contain Trimethylamine N-oxide.
7. A mortgage foreclosure by any user with a Google email address is no longer required to forfeit the property to Google.
8. Google will return all missing pets previously held as “collateral.”
9. Google Death will be terminated.
10. Google users will cease and desist all contact and correspondence with users of Yahoo!.

Keep your stick on the ice.