Today on Twitter, Facebook, and the rest of the digital outlets, the world went completely bonkers over a new law:

Los Angeles County has outlawed frisbees and footballs on their beaches.

People, calm yourselves. Also, read the entire ordinance. This law covers frisbees and balls that are not inflatable, including baseballs, soccerballs, rugby balls, and shot put. You can bring your bloody beach balls, Dodger fans. It also covers the time from Memorial Day to Labor Day, when LA beaches look like this:

Yeah, probably not a good idea to allow 35 separate amateur games of two hand touch to break out. Los Angeles has no football team, so there are no strong role models to teach Los Angeles youth how to throw a ball. I’ve been to the beach in this time period. These people couldn’t hit the ocean on a fly even if they were ankle deep in the Pacific during the snap.

Los Angelenos are welcome to continue playing frisbee and football in the 150+ parks on the West Side alone. Besides, this leaves time to enjoy the preferred activity while visiting a Los Angeles beach: constantly scanning the sand for broken syringes and used condoms.

Like any of you go to the beach, anyway.