This could be last entry, because I may die. I was just enjoying some Cap’n Crunch, at noon and as my second meal of the day I am not ashamed to say, when circumstances happened in the room that caused me to laugh. The laughter caused a snort, which caused a gasp, which sucked a Cap’n Crunch up into my nasal cavity.

(Right up in there.)

I am now paralyzed in a state of almost needing to really sneeze without ever progressing to an actual sternutation. It burns! Oh, how the Cap’n burns! I need to SNEEZE NOW.

[sneeze]

I am alive. I am an adult. I am a father. I have sneezed out a Cap’n Crunch. The causers of the circumstance that made me laugh in the first place are now laughing, making Davey Jones’ Locker seem like a missed escape route.

Damn you, Cap’n Crunch. The sea has made you lawless and uncouth.