…Hello, Internet. I’m a broken and battered man on this Tuesday. I partied all weekend, sailed all day Sunday, and watched 2 Blackhawk victories.

(The true battle of the weekend was The Sun vs. Irish Skin. The sun won. I’m peeling like an onion.)

Over the course of the weekend, I poured nothing but sin into my system. I drank beer almost exclusively. I smoked like it was a respirator. My entire diet consisted of Portillo’s catered Italian Beef sandwiches and combos. That last one is less a complaint and more me bragging.

During the sailing part of the weekend, which didn’t have much wind but plenty of insanity, I scraped the inside of my knee on …something, cut my hand on something else, and landed on a cleat when jumping off the boat. Except for the possible chip of a footbone, the other injuries are complete mysteries to me. All I know is that at one point I noticed blood, and followed the trail to my newest scar. I also recently switched deodorants, and this Old Spice crap ain’t working as well, despite that guy on the horse’s insistence.

So as I put myself together, let’s take a moment to thank the wonderful people at Neosporin. Thanks, Neosporin!

I’ll be back after I find some Aloe.