Today I found out. Today I know. Today marks the beginning of my hair’s descent into Steve Martin white. Come Christmas, our expected due date, the Redhead and I will welcome another redhead into the house: my daughter.

It’s a girl! Lord almighty, it’s a girl. I have never felt more frightened and excited at the same time. While a boy may have been slightly easier in my opinion, since I could just make him mow the lawn and stuff, a girl is a totally different thing. Now I have to buy a gun to show any boy who dares come within 50 feet of her. Now I have to pay for a (another) wedding. Now I have to begin working on the bell tower she’ll be locked in until she’s 25.

She’s already won me over. I’m powerless. I’m a dead man.