We stand at the doorway to greatness, Internet. For 498 Blog entries, we’ve had some good times, but it was all just funnin’. Now it gets real. My next entry will be my 500th, and that’s when it’s going to happen. That’s when I’ll get famous.

(THAT famous.)

Unfortunately, the inevitable Biography and movie about me will be incredibly dull, because unlike most famous people, I don’t have any major crutches or issues that have driven me to be famous. Sure, my life has been a constant pursuit of fortune and glory, but I haven’t yet reached the levels I always imagined. It’s probably because I lack the driving force that makes people like Madonna, Sinatra, Bowie and countless others reinvent themselves to stay relevant. Some schmuck with a couple of essays on the internet and a yearn for the spotlight is all I’ve ever been. After my next entry though, I’m gonna be HUGE. A guy with 500 essays on the internet? That’s some Burt Reynolds level fame, Internet, and I’ll have done it without the cool dramatic tale that so often excites the public about famous people. So before I step onto the World Stage and claim my title of “Awesome,” let’s take a look at some of the reasons why I haven’t been famous yet up to this point, or some of the cool story arcs that won’t be in The Tucker Blogs Story:

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