…and others… well, they’re just great.”

When I was knee high to a grasshopper, I loved sitting on the porch in the summer watching baseball with my grandfather. He was born a Reds fan and became a Cubs fan, but the thing he liked most about the WGN broadcasts was making fun of Harry Caray. My grandpa called him, “Liver Lips.” One day during a game my grandfather reached down and put his Cubs hat on my head. I was an extremely cognitive kid, and I understood the Hallmark-esque moment we were sharing. For 35 minutes, I joined him in rooting for the Cubs. Then my father walked in.

“Art, you take that thing off my son’s head, NOW.” He pulled me aside and in a tone so as not to alarm me but still convey the seriousness, said, “Tuck, we’re White Sox fans. I understand you want to sit with your grandfather, but try not to pick up any of his bad habits.”

The point is, my daughter was born into this. Baseball is coming.

…and this ain’t love.

The Cubs and White Sox begin Interleague today. This is just what the White Sox need. Historically, they tend to collapse or soar based on the results of the first Crosstown Classic BP Classic Series. Like the crude oil BP has been known to spread, the White Sox will pollute the region with their victory, a virtual “black out” that will leave the area forever changed.

Go Go White Sox.

Have you seen this, Internet? Apparently the Chicago Cubs are looking for a new Booth Announcer. They have opened the process to any shmoe with a video camera and are accepting submissions from across the country. Many people have emailed me the link. Those people are dead to me.

Okay, yes. I am a Professional Voice Over Artist Guy. I love me some baseball, and could do this job standing on my head, for any team other than this one. Don’t make me do it, Internet. The pain and damage that this daily grind would inflict on my constitution would leave me a shell of a man, increasing my booze intake and leaving me dead by 40.

I am a White Sox Fan.

While the code of the professional broadcaster is to sell the product in spite of personal views, this is just asking too much. I would announce for the Taliban Hitlers or even (gulp) the Yankees before I actively and consciously choose to fire up and excite Cub fans. I am a man of convictions. Those convictions may cost me money, but they save me dignity.

Just throw Ronnie Woo Woo up there and call it a day. The drunks at Wrigley won’t even notice.

The Chicago Cubs have snubbed Ryne Sandberg and given Mike Quade the job as Manager.

(“Quade! Start the Reactor!”)

I never really thought that Ryne Sandberg was the best choice, but as a White Sox fan, it would have been fascinating to watch Ozzie and Ryno, the 2 stars of the 80’s and 90’s Sox and Cubs respectively, square off against each other.

Ryne Sandberg has told the Cubs exactly where to put their decision, and he’s taken a more classy approach then they showed him.

Remember way back in the day, Internet, when The Lost King and I had a debate about the Cubs upcoming season and the troubles they faced? Of course you don’t. Nobody does. Fortunately, that still didn’t stop him from filing a much appreciated follow up with my News Desk.

Without further ado, The Lost King explains, “Another Season, Another Confirmation:”

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This story broke a few days ago, but today is the day. Lou Piniella has quit “retired” from baseball before the season has ended. Here’s the scoop. I would just like to point out that I called it. (See number 4)

That is all.

From The Onion. 

The colorful White Sox manager is in the spotlight for comments about supposed favoritism toward Asian players, but it isn’t the first time he’s had something to say.

• 2006: ”I very much love the people and the fans of Chicago, because they pay me very much to play a baseball manager in Chicago, even though I very much hate the people and fans in Chicago”
• 2006: ”I don’t give shit about the home-field advantages for the World Series. You know what I care about? Where the fuck is the Smash Mouth? Why aren’t they here for singing the ‘All Star’ song? I love that shit”
• 2007: ”I love Dustin Pedroia. He is very good hitter. And he has a strong back, so he could be climbed up on and I sit on his shoulders and ride around on him like riding a little horse that loves me and eats apples and I have to pitch around because he is a good hitter”
• 2008: ”I never say one bad thing about those stupid fucking Cubs fans. Not a single word about those mother-shitting pieces of fuck”
• 2008: ”If we win the World Series, I will quit baseball and run for mayor mostly on a campaign platform of minimizing the city’s budget, while still raising revenues with strategic tax plan for Chicago businesses”
• 2009: ”Wrigley Field makes me puke. When I eat a little bit of the ivy on the wall it make me puke barf everywhere”
• 2010: It’s not the fair for Japanese players have the interpreter. I want the interpreter so I can understand what the fuck it is I am talk about”