Welcome to March, Internet. It’s a month that makes sense. Not only does it bring with it the joys of blooming Spring, but it’s the proper and accepted length. Last month, February, is for lack of a better descriptor, total bullshit.

(February Smith, The Ice Queen and her 28 days of Doom.)

This is the 21st Century, people. We’ve almost completed Robot Butlers, we’ve got bendable TV screens in the works, and flying cars are less than 3 years away. You mean to tell me that we can’t add 2 more days to February? How many months have 31, like seven?! You’re saying that none of those bloated months can spare a single day to give to February? May, for instance. Who the hell needs a May 31st? By that point, just call it June and be done with it. Meanwhile, February is a month where we’re all cut short. It’s a shorter pay period, but EQUAL in cost for Rent and other monthly billing cycles. So we make less and pay the same, which basically translates into a higher cost of living for the entire month. And then we have to go out and celebrate “love” in the middle of it? Can you believe the balls on this month? It’s smacking us around and demanding we say, “Thank you sir, may I have another?” And what the hell is up with leap years? Every four years, February just decides to stay another day? Why do the other months put up with this bullying?

It’s March now, and I know I’m not the only one who is coasting on fumes with a large paycheck coming later, but after I’ve had to pay all of the usual collectors. February, simply put, is a shitty month. It’s still winter, but all of the Holiday lights are down and we don’t even get to enjoy pretty colors with the dreary bleakness of snow and frostbite.

Congress needs to act on this NOW. Screw trying to destroy Health Care and national education. The time for eliminating our unalienable rights because of a trumped up and falsely presented budget crisis will simply have to wait. Sorry, Republicans, but your Jihad against the EPA and endangered species (seriously, how big of jackasses can you be?) in order to preserve a tax break for the Kardashians will have to take a back seat to the “Expand or Regulate Unholy February Freedom Act for America.” 

It is time to fight back.