Celebrating with Strangers…

Fyona, I am your father.

(It’s not a broken wing, it’s to keep her from chewing on her IV.)

Okay, so that happened. Like most big recent events in my life, I found myself stranded in a semi-foreign land when it happened and more or less alone. Sure, this particular time I was about 4 miles from home and my wife and daughter were across the street, but in Los Angeles across the street may as well be Agoura Hills. I’m also not really complaining. I love strangers. On foot and looking for a bite to eat while Mom and Baby enjoyed deep sleep provided by mild antibiotics for various minor ills, I went to a bar.

The night after Christmas when the streets were empty, 4 people sat at the bar, all employees. I decided to have myself a little celebration: one vodka martini with blue cheese olives, straight up. I told the barman to “shake the shit out of it,” because asking for it “shaken, not stirred” is for jackasses. (Well, only one guy can do it.)

I’d like to thank the staff for a great time. It was a magical 30 minutes before I went back to the hospital, but in those minutes, there were no questions or worries or thoughts for the future. There was only Sinatra and vodka, an endless glass the barman would top off with individually shaken swigs to keep me to my “one martini” rule. I was a happy father, slapping backs of strangers in a bar and shaking hands with busboys. I am still a happy father. There’s always a lot on the horizon, but when the sun is rising and the day is looking bright, you feel like you can conquer it all by lunch. 

Thanks, strangers. Perhaps we’ll meet again, down the trail.

The Sweet and Sour Dance of Love in the Desert

The Redhead and I took off to Palm Springs last weekend to celebrate our 4th Wedding Anniversary. We packed into the car complete with a body pillow for preggers and enough luggage to rebuild society with if we got stranded in Death Valley. We were all set.

(It was 101 degrees on Saturday, so we dressed appropriately.)

We had a wonderfully relaxing weekend. We got to spend alone time with each other, away from work and stress and baby plans and all that bunk. The joy and fun we felt over the weekend was overwhelming, blinding us to even the smallest of vacation related issues and dilemmas. There is nothing to complain about from the trip, the sweet was so good. Why ruin the memories of it by dwelling on the irritating minutiae on the sidelines?  

Okay, maybe there are one or two things….

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I can’t sing. I have an amazing speaking voice, one that’s made me a bit of money, but I can’t sing worth a damn.

However, when I go to Karaoke, I only sing Elvis.*

*Okay, a few times I’ve done Frank, because usually I stay in the low register and depend on theatrics. Once I did a full on Neil Diamond impression, but that was in Memphis, and I sang Day Dream Believer.

You know, these tags on the bottom lead to more on the subject.

Just sayin’.

“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” -Frank Sinatra

Yesterday was Frank Sinatra’s Birthday. I drank all day in celebration.

Quite the headache today, but as Joe E. Louis said:

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”

Good Lord. It’s gonna get worse?

Cold Cuts.

I’m actually doing it, Internet. I’ve been off the cigarettes for 7 days now. On the surface it’s not a large total, but for me it’s a major accomplishment. Even God rested on the 7th day. Me? I’m plugging ahead, breathing deeply and sleeping better. I’m doing this cold turkey.

(Same way Frankie Machine quit the heroin. Of course, Frank never actually inhaled.)

We’ve discussed quitting smoking to an exhausting length, Internet, so I’m not going to get into it much now. The one thing that I will say is that the only way to get it done is to WANT to do it. I want to. No patches, no gum, no lollipops or prescription medication; no cowardly bunk offering me a shoulder to cry on. I’m doing this hardcore style, so all you Caucasian bitches can just move out the way. I also have a mantra: “Too F#$%ing Bad.” I say it to myself when the urge gets a little uppity, like out on the boat, after a few cocktails, or anytime I’m awake. Do not fear, Internet. I have a stronger conviction than ever. Failure is not an option.

Let’s dance.