It’s a lot like a Mule with a Spinning Wheel

Monorails! Monorails! Monorails! I’ve been talking about this forever! Back in the early 90’s I saw this episode of one of my favorite shows, Martin, where a fast talkin’ stranger told them what to do with a surplus of government money. It was a genius plan with no negative repercussions and one I have subscribed to ever since.

(It was the episode where Martin told Gina, “she crazy.” It also featured Sheneneh Jenkins in a silly outfit.)

America, we need monorails. Please tell your newly elected Senators and Congresspeople. Except the Tea Partiers. They’ll probably push for the return of steam engines because that’s “how things used to be.”

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Can you Digg it, baby?

People like opinions, Internet. Actually, check that: People like their own opinions, but generally hate other people’s opinions. In fact, lots of people hate that other people even have opinions. It’s the old George Carlin chestnut: everybody on the road driving slower than you is an idiot, and everyone driving faster is a maniac. The only acceptable opinion is the one you were already thinking.

According to this article found on Digg.com, Digg has been under a attack by a Conservative “Patriot” group who’s goal is to make Digg a Conservative website. Was Digg a Liberal website to begin with? Well, a quick Google search shows that more people think it is, at least more people than the ones who think it’s Conservative. Does that prove that a Liberal bias was in place, or that users of Digg.com have stronger Liberal leanings than they do Conservative? Was this an issue that needed to be addressed? It doesn’t matter, because a group decided it did need to be addressed, and they were the ones to do the addressing. The Digg Patriots know what’s best for us.

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Talking Heads - Don't Worry About the Government

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

This is the song that has been in my head since I woke up. It’s odd, since the first song on my alarm this morning was Steve Miller, but this is much more fitting. 

“Don’t Worry About The Government,” by the Talking Heads. 

And that’s just what I’m going to do. Okay, so the IRS has mistaken me for somebody else. That person is either on the lam, owes thousands in taxes, or is Nicolas Cage. (We also would have accepted Willie Nelson, Leona Helmsley, or Richard Hatch.)

I’ve granted Power of Attorney to the Blog Family Certified Public Accountant (who ain’t no common broke ass regular Public Accountant jerkoff, thank you very much), and I await justice. All three of the names in the accounting firm are Jewish, so I feel confident this will be straightened out in a jiffy.

Mazel Tov, boys!

5 plays

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You’ve got the wrong guy!

The Internal Revenue Service just took every penny I have, and they’ve got the wrong guy.

(Isn’t this guy supposed to be a Millionaire?)

About an hour ago, I decided to check my bank account. It’s just a thing I do every now and again. Imagine my shock then, when all of my accounts were at zero. Naturally I got a little panicked, but having experienced an identity theft before, I assumed that this was a similar case and that the bank’s crack team of crimestoppers would save the day. 

This is not a similar case. The IRS has decided that Tucker Blogs, Public Citizen, should pay for the entire National Debt and/or BP Oil Clean up himself, and that he would be totally cool with this. He’s not. The total lack of correspondence, letters, or notification regarding any sort of Court Ordered Levy leads me to the conclusion that this is a big time clerical error. Also, I don’t owe any taxes. Thanks, Government! Way to check your sources. Carpet Pissers didn’t do this, dude. I need a lawyer. Maybe William Kunstler or Ron Kuby are available. 

Can you believe that the US Government made a mistake?

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